What would you say if I told you being bored is a skill you could develop?
Hear me out!
Last weekend I was in the enviable position of having the whole house to myself for the entire weekend. Yes, you read that right. A WHOLE weekend to MYSELF!!
I’m sure your first reaction is, “Wow, what I wouldn’t give to have a weekend alone in my house!” Being overworked, overstimulated and burned out mamas as we are, we crave that downtime.
Until it happens.
Are we really stoked about being alone? Or are we uneasy? What fears come up?
I’m sure some of us would run out and make as many plans as possible to avoid the emptiness.
Some may even be a little bit afraid of being bored.
Maybe the weekend is manageable and not too overwhelming but in talking to moms approaching the empty nest in their homes; feeling bored is a real fear. It’s lonely too but let’s tackle that later.
Honestly, this is one of my biggest fears as well. When my son is off galavanting and I’m home alone I often think to myself, how am I going to manage when he doesn’t live here anymore? I don’t live with my partner, so when my son is gone….it’s REALLY quiet. How am I going to deal with being alone ALL the time?
Will I be, GOD FORBID, BORED????
So I’m starting to prepare.
The Truth About Boredom
When I worked in the drug and alcohol rehabs before I started my private practice, I heard over and over again that the main reason people turned to drugs and alcohol in addictive ways was because they were bored. Does that surprise you? It did me! I was shocked how often people were unable to maintain their sobriety because they felt bored.
Now boredom is clearly not a comfortable feeling. Someone told me that its parent emotion is actually “disgust,” which makes sense.
As humans wanting to avoid all kinds of pain and suffering, we feel an inherent need to avoid this emotion at all costs. The key is to learn to transcend these negative emotions instead of allowing them to run our lives. By learning this practice regardless of the form of suffering we are facing, we will build resilience and strengths we didn’t know we had.
We will build our character.
We will become more of who we are meant to be.
No mud, no lotus as they say.
Boredom Releases Our Creativity
When we are bored we don’t consider it to be challenging, and in essence that in itself makes boredom more challenging!
No one praises you for learning to live with boredom. There is no recognition like there would be with other life challenges such as suffering through a divorce, struggling with cancer, or overcoming a drug addiction. There is no validation when we learn to tolerate boredom, like there would be for training for a marathon or reaching an income goal or completing a course of study. In any of these scenarios we have to require the ability to manage boredom in order to get through them.
Let’s be honest. Boredom is probably the main reason you are not meditating regularly. Sure you heard about the far reaching benefit but sitting there doing nothing sounds…well…boring! Who wants to do that??
The truth is that we NEED boredom to access our creativity.
Brain imaging studies have shown that when we are bored parts of the brain associated with imagining and visualizing actually become MORE active. We need these moments of quiet nothingness to lean into our imagination and conceive all the things we want to create.
THE ISSUE WITH TECHNOLOGY
I would venture to say that a lack of boredom is what is causing all kinds of problems in our world today. We are plugged in all the time with our devices. Our so-called “smart” phone constantly reminds us of everything and it distracts us continuously. Crazy how quickly we’ve become dependent on technology and having things at our fingertips. I’m not sure how “smart” they really are, but we’re kind of stuck with them.
The second we become bored we turn to our devices and a world filled with scrolling, candy crush or Wordle. We have a full range of entertainment available to us at the touch of a button. We engage in activities that actually harm the planet and each other. Why? Because of boredom (I’m looking at you online shopping!)
While researching this blog, I watched a YouTube video called “Why Do We Get Bored” by Vsauce. Side note: have you discovered Vsauce yet? Talk about the OPPOSITE of boring!! My kids turned me on to this channel and it is absolutely fascinating. This particular video has 10 MILLION views!
But I digress…
MY BOREDOM FILLED WEEKEND
It’s the weekend. I’m alone. What should I do?
I was tempted to run from boredom by making a bunch of plans and creating activities for myself, then I noticed the fear. I made a decision to simply embrace being bored and see what happened.
If you know me, you know that this is usually my recommendation for every undesirable emotion! DIVE INTO IT, like a wave in the ocean!
The problem with our emotions is that we try to avoid them instead of diving deeper into them for exploration. You could call me an emotional “spelunker” (someone who explores caves and caverns). I like to dive deep and see what’s underlying my emotions and feelings. I like to get to the root of the problem. Good thing I have made a whole career out of it!
As any boredom spelunker would do, I not only spent the weekend alone doing nothing but I also made an appointment for a 90 minute session in a sensory deprivation tank! I was taking this diving deep thing seriously for this blog. The things I do for you! LOL!
A float tank is a tiny room with a body sized tank that is filled with highly concentrated salt water. You get in, lie down in body temperature water and literally just float. You are completely suspended by the salt water. You generally turn off the lights and shut the door, so you have NO external sensory experience for 90 minutes. All stimulation comes from inside.
Everything becomes loud, your heartbeat, your breathing, and even your brain! The sensory deprivation gives your thoughts more prominence, and your awareness is heightened.
What I Learned in the Tank
- Boredom is not what you think.
We think of boredom as having nothing to do, but it’s more than that. Sometimes we have nothing to do and we are happy about it. In these cases we are not bored.
In order for boredom to exist you have to have resistance to what is happening. It’s the resistance that defines boredom. If we can surrender to the lack of structure and assigned doing and focus on our inner entertainment system (our thoughts, our breath) then we can transcend boredom.
- Boredom is not so bad.
As I drove to the Float Tank with my son, we both admitted to being a bit apprehensive. How are we going to lay there with no sound, no sights, no phones, no nothing for 90 whole minutes?? Would we go crazy??
Well, we didn’t! In fact I dare say it made us both more sane! As I got out of the tub, I felt a mix between waking up from a really great sleep and actually being REBORN. I felt incredible.
I learned that allowing this space to turn everything off, as well as doing what I wanted when I wanted was pretty amazing afterall!
Boredom is definitely underrated!
- Allowing yourself to be bored gives you your power back.
Anytime we confront a challenge whether it be a hard workout, a test, or a major life challenge, we tend to come out the other side more empowered, more confident and more free. I came out of the weekend feeling very independent and strong. I came out of the tank excited to be ALIVE and raring to go with tons of energy and creative spark!
May I suggest that perhaps boredom is what is lying between you and your ideal life??
- Being bored results in visualization which can have amazing effects.
When I was in the tank I found myself visualizing success in certain areas of my life. From short term to long term visualizations, my brain was operating on all cylinders.I was blown away as I visualized this week’s training run. I saw myself having my best run to date!
Later, I ran more miles and cut almost a minute per mile off of my speed. Running faster isn’t terribly important to me, the point is that I felt like I could run forever!
I’m interested to see if the other stuff will happen too. You will be the first to know!
So, what about you?
Do you fear being bored after your kids graduate and fly the coop?
How do you handle boredom?
Have you thought of it as a skill before now?
Hit reply and let me know your thoughts!
If you know someone else who you think could benefit from this scintillating content on boredom, please pass it on! It might make one of my long term visualizations come true!
Yours in boredom,
Nancy
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